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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868663">ship in harbor</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotsdontcry/pseuds/robotsdontcry'>robotsdontcry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>family (lost and found) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Triggers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:28:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868663</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotsdontcry/pseuds/robotsdontcry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Tell me about your home,” Aerith says.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aerith Gainsborough &amp; Red XIII | Nanaki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>family (lost and found) [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796014</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ship in harbor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>mind the warnings in the tags.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sudden flare of sunlight in his eyes makes him wince and flatten his ears. Before he knows it, he’s crouched low to the ground, head buried in his paws and eyes squeezed shut.</p><p>A voice calls his name. Something touches his side: a human hand. Instinctively, he lets out a snarl and lurches away from the contact, stumbling forward as fast as his paws can carry him.</p><p>“Red,” the voice says again, frantic. “It’s okay. I’m here.”</p><p>“Who are you?”</p><p>“It’s me. Aerith.”</p><p>…</p><p>Aerith knows he prefers the night, when the world is quiet and there is nothing overly bright or loud to hijack his senses. Sometimes she insists on staying up with him when he has trouble sleeping—which happens more often than not, these days—and they look out at the sleeping Planet, silent and veiled in shadow.</p><p>“Tell me about your home,” Aerith says.</p><p>Nanaki closes his eyes, remembering.</p><p>“It was very much a spiritual place,” he says. “The duty of my tribe was to protect the Planet, so that was all I ever heard growing up.”</p><p>As a child, he had the luxury of disregarding the elders and their visions for his future. He and the other children raced each other across miles of red rock, breathed in the crisp air and ate wildberries until the juice stained their fur purple. But it was in the Canyon that he learned everything he knows about the Planet, about what he was born for.</p><p>“After my parents died, Grandfather raised me,” he says. “He took me to his observatory and taught me the names of all the constellations. Back then, the stars always looked so bright.”</p><p>Why is he telling her all this?</p><p>“It sounds beautiful,” she says. “I’d love to see it.”</p><p>Nanaki curls his tail around his paws, and says nothing.</p><p>There are bad humans, and there are good ones. Nanaki knows this, but he is tired. It feels as though an eternity has passed since he was last in the Canyon, where Bugenhagen and the other humans treated him as one of their own. Now, things have changed. <em> He </em> has changed, in a way that cannot be explained or undone. </p><p>It would be so easy to turn his back on humans for good.</p><p>And yet—</p><p><em> This child is a friend, </em>Aerith said, when they first met. She wasn’t scared of him, unlike the others. She didn’t look at him like he was a monster.</p><p>“What about the rest of your tribe?” she asks him now. “You must have friends waiting for you back home.”</p><p>“They are gone,” Nanaki says. “I’m the only one left.”</p><p>He stares at his paws. Aerith reaches out, in a manner he knows should be comforting. But something inside himself he doesn’t understand believes that she is going to hurt him—<em>humans are bad</em>, it says—so he flinches away.</p><p>Her next words take him by surprise: “I understand.”</p><p>The girl is an Ancient, he remembers. Nanaki looks up at her. In her eyes, he discovers a sad wisdom that far transcends the capacity of her species.</p><p>“I’m all alone, too,” she murmurs.</p><p>...</p><p>They learn together. Bright flashes of light, closed spaces, human contact—at once, images of sterile rooms crowded with cages and mako-infused monsters come flooding back. A ghostly pain appears in his left flank, where the iron branded his flesh. It named him the thirteenth, tore his body from him and gave it to <em> them</em>.</p><p>Everything falls away, and he curls in on himself and breathes hard. He doesn’t remember where he is. He cannot stop shaking.</p><p>“You’re safe,” says the voice, the same one as before. “Do you remember my name?”</p><p>He shakes his head.</p><p>“Do you—” The voice wavers, then forces itself to steady. “Do you see your paws? What color are they?”</p><p>He wills his eyes to focus. “Red,” he manages.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>There are times when Aerith makes mistakes. When he’s convinced that he has somehow returned to the Shinra headquarters and is now surrounded by scientists in white coats, Aerith tries to wrap her arms around him. Touch is the last thing he wants, and he growls and lashes out from pure instinct. </p><p>He apologizes afterward, overwhelmed by guilt and panic, but Aerith brushes it off with a smile. Sometimes he forgets that she’s tougher than she looks.</p><p>…</p><p>Grandfather taught him to read when he was small, so it’s an old habit for Nanaki to bury his nose in books whenever he has the free time. His favorite subject is astronomy; learning about stars and galaxies makes him feel like a child again. Simple and ignorant, he is no more than a mere speck in the intricate tapestry of the universe.</p><p>“Do you know how life on the Planet began?” he asks Aerith once.</p><p>She shakes her head. “It’s a mystery, even to me.”</p><p>“Can you try asking it?”</p><p>“I tried once,” Aerith says. “But I couldn’t make out what the voices were saying. It hurt my head a little, to be honest.”</p><p>Nanaki processes this. He knows that the Lifestream contains the experiences of all that have ever walked on the Planet, but that doesn’t mean it is homogenous. Grandfather used to compare it to an ocean, tumultuous and violent, locked in endless conflict.</p><p>“All I know is that we’re all connected, somehow,” Aerith says.</p><p>Nanaki nods. “Grandfather used to say that all life depends on each other. The Planet even needs humans to survive. I never understood that, though,” he adds as an afterthought.</p><p>“Why? Because humans do more harm than good?” Aerith asks with a wry smile.</p><p>“I don’t mean to offend.”</p><p>“No, it’s okay,” she says. Her usually cheerful voice is quiet, thoughtful. “I know what you mean. Humans can be really cruel sometimes.”</p><p>“There are some good ones,” Nanaki says, and is startled to find that he means it.</p><p>Aerith laughs and pats his nose. It takes him by surprise, but he doesn’t flinch away. It feels surprisingly nice, and besides, nobody else is watching. </p><p>…</p><p>When the panic comes over him like a wave, he is overcome by shame. He hides his head in his paws and waits for the shaking to end, desperate to regain control of his own body. He is a weakling, a disappointment to his tribe. His father, his mother, Grandfather—they would be disappointed if they saw what he has become.</p><p>“Breathe with me,” Aerith encourages, and he follows her lead. Deep breaths, slow and steady. The over-saturated blur of images and sounds gradually fade away, leaving only darkness and silence.</p><p>“Who am I?” she asks. This time, he’s prepared for it.</p><p>“You’re Aerith,” he replies, confident.</p><p>“Who are you?”</p><p>“I am…me.” Nanaki takes a deep breath. “Nanaki, warrior of Cosmo Canyon. The one and only.”</p>
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